Changes....

One of the traits I notice about myself as I get older is that I acknowledge change quicker than I have in previous stages of my life.  I do acknowledge that I am a "roll with the punches" type of girl, but occasionally there have been things happen that throw me a curve ball and I react strongly, not always in the nicest manner.

I am feeling one of those changes at the moment.  Not quite able to put my finger on it...contemplating many things...unsure of which it would actually be.  Menopause, the close of a stage of my life as a mother with my youngest child leaving school and turning 18, a sister who I have developed an even closer relationship moving away after 10 or so years, a yearning for more yet not sure what is growing in me or more likely a mixture of all of the above and many more unsaid things.  Life is a constant change and we all learn to ride the ebbs and lows.

Today it is raining and it feels cleansing.  Like a washing of the past and a promise that the new will be cleansed, shiny and bright. 

I have always wanted to be in charge and know exactly what is coming my way.  What I am feeling is reminding me that I do not always know and sometimes, I need to be able to rest, renew and refresh myself with time, patience and love to be able to take on the next step that comes to me.

A time of recover, renewal and the knowledge that there is a passing of the guard.  Maybe it is a grief of sorts I am feeling.  Allow the grief, acknowledge the grief and remember like all other moments, they pass and new directions can be revealed.

simplify

just type...that is what I am getting told...so type I will. Close your eyes, it will be easier so I have and then I will just let my fingers type. With our eyes shut we can alter the projected view of ourself. We are no longer who we see in the mirror but we become the vision in our minds eye. Is this the vision I am happy to see or do I want to be something else. This is the journey I am working on. The thinking of what I am wanting, where I am heading and what will remain as I venture forth. My hip is aching. My right hip. Fear of moving forward in the physical. So what is it I am scared about. Fear of failure is the first thing I think of. Of being rejected yet again......it is only me who can reject myself and I won't this time.

Why is it we feel compelled to hold onto the old memories and hurts that do not help only serving to bring us back to where we came from. The stories have to be rewritten. The memories have to be altered. Painful events of our past only need to be remembered as a page in our book, and to turn the page and begin new chapters. The hurts were events we were to experience and learn, grow and become better people from. That is really hard when you have hurt people by doing the stupidest thing. Things that haunt your soul. Forgiveness is the hardest thing, and then to move on requires an inornate amount of strength. I am learning that strength and to the people I have hurt, I am my most humblest as I ask for forgiveness.

Almost a year....

where did the time go? One can wonder but I know that transformations beyond belief have occurred within and the work has required many hours, days and weeks of self examination. It has been tough, but so rewarding. I am learning and rediscovering so much about myself that I have held hidden for so long. Stuff that I have remembered, from where I learnt, I no longer care, just knowing that I understand and believe many things about myself now. With each hour, day, month I have learnt to trust myself and believe in my feelings. I have been blessed with many teachers, both spiritually and not. To these people, I am truly grateful for allowing long hidden parts of me to be released back into my present so I can grow.





For the people who have come to me and trust that I can guide them, I am truly thankful. Love and light to your souls for connecting with mine and for trusting me and allowing me to work with your spirit and body.





Reflexology has opened a doorway that makes me realise the untapped potential in me. I am so loving learning all that is being exposed to me. Today, I spoke to another who is very quickly becoming a mentor and teacher who will guide me into my next level. Thank you Jaye for your love and support as I venture further on this journey.

The new moon says....

I have never followed the moon. I admire the moon, I am aware of the moon, but never felt compelled to honour traditions associated with the moon. However, when reading a fellow blog today, a passage jumped out at me... The feisty Aries new moon asks you to stop procrastinating and to act now, with an important caveat, think before you act, firm self control and a solid handle on one's willpower so that the energy can be harnessed to its utmost possibility. How bloody perfect is that!!! It just jumped out at me. Just as I am about to start my holistic public venture. It feels like a ray of sunshine is landing on me or maybe it is a ray of moon beams to just keep true to myself and I am good. I do need to keep self control as I am as busy as I have ever been. I feel the strong desire to eliminate all that is not honoring myself and where and what I am doing and to do BLOODY well everything else. I can not afford to half do things as I need to keep the channels of positive energy flowing and I do not want to procrastinate over things to the point where they build up a negative energy wall. I may have false starts, I may face disappointments but I know I am strong and will know how to deal with any holdups that may occur. I have been shown a technique which enables you to "unhook" yourself from any doubters, naysayers or anyone who dispels what I do as negative. Having this ability to unhook the lines of negativity that have been attached to me, allows me to not have to carry around this weight of disappointment. I can lovingly let them go. I no longer allow them to hold onto me. All is good....Tri Hita Karana

Loving One Self.

I am reminded today by the start of a cold and an extremely sore throat that I am not loving myself. On the surface I feel as if I am, but with these "dis -eases" I know that I am not. How do you love yourself? Is it a learned thing? Are some people born with this inate ability to love oneself so much that they never struggle with this thought/action? I have not been born with this knowledge. I have never really learnt this knowledge either. To love someone else, you have to love yourself first. I understand the concept, I do. I never have felt comfortable with it though. This is my heart chakra and is the chakra that I keep coming back to in meditations, thoughts, purchases and sicknesses. The time has come that I really learn to love myself. I have been doing baby steps, like makeup, clothes, keeping my house tidy, booking regular massages, but now it is time to work on my internal thoughts.

I have heard recently by a well known TV presenter the following thoughts. She states "Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions and your actions become your life." How profound is that? I have always struggled with myself/love with the very first connection....your thoughts become your words....I have outwardly tried to show I love myself with artificial actions, but the deepest thoughts stayed the same...and co-incidentally so did my weight....and then I would wonder why I kept being shown that I wasn't loving myself. I truly wasn't inside me...

I am now learning that for anything else to really be true for me, then the one simple step of loving myself has to be first and foremost before anything else. I know and I am now ready.

I have been given a book to read and work through...LOVING WHAT IS by Byron Katie. It is time - I am ready to do The Work that is now required. I am truly ready for this opening of my heart chakra with the knowledge that I will love myself in the deepest way possible. Thank you One and All for showing me the way on how to learn to love me. I have been asking for signs as to how to do this. I knew that I had to do it, just didn't know how. I do now.

The journey will be sad/confronting/enlightening but so enjoyable. I will learn things that I knew but would never accept and for this wonderful gift I am thankful.

Tri Hita Karana...

What next?

Some days this is how I feel and yet other days, I have this knowing it is all OK. I expect the controlling ego centre of me is still making its presence known. I am changing...I know I am changing, I can feel it...I live it...but some days I wonder just what is happening and where will it lead to?

These are the days when I am tired. I have been doing too much lately and I have felt swamped. I need to focus on calming my busy mind and body. Too much of my time is spent doing things for others. We need to serve others, but not to the detriment of our self. As a mother, we are conditioned to put others needs before our own. I have prided myself on my wonderful ability at being a mother. I have felt a sense of pride and achievement that nothing else has been able to match, however it came at a cost. I put my needs second. I attended to them when I had time and habits like these are hard to break.

I am now putting my needs first.....but sometimes I forget, take on too much and fall into a heap. I am picking myself up out of the hole I have been in for a couple of days now. I went to a group mediation today. I enjoy meditation; I find it easy and I was at peace when I was there. I came home to a bit of chaos, but proceeded to then eliminate a couple of activities and dates I had agreed to. It felt good. I am honoring my story again. Just as I needed to.

I have my next course this Sunday....Indian Head Massage. I am looking forward to this. I enjoy the sense of touch and enlightenment I receive from these courses. It is another cog in the wheel of my new story. I needed todays meditation to put me back on the journey. I had slipped off and was floundering. I am back now and feel so much more balanced.

I have ordered my new business cards for my Holistic Healing Journey. They are a simple, elegant design which will allow me to hand out to people who need my numbers. I am finding this easier and easier to talk of my new direction...of my story. I have been doing my voluntary reiki sessions and have repeat clients. I am still in my learning phase. I still love it for what I can give and for what I receive.

I am learning balance...Tri Hita Karana...The balance of life...my learning lesson for now.

My story....

When I went to learn Reiki, my Reiki Master sat and told us about "her stories". This reminded me so much of the aboriginal culture who hold their stories with such high regard, that I was immediately reminded to not hide my story. I have tended to not think of my stories as being that important, at the very least not something that others would necessarily want to listen to. I am now being guided to talk about my stories, my history, my life. I like the word story as it gives a comfortable feeling to what I am talking about.

My story is mine. I may remember things not as others have, but that is not important for the story belongs to me. I have always felt an affinity with spiritual beliefs. I was christened Anglican, then I on my own volition decided to become confirmed in the Anglican faith. This was fine and all I needed until I met my husband and then a knowing came into my life that I needed to change this belief. After many hours of thoughts and prayers, I knew that I was to convert to Catholicism. The two religions were not that dissimilar to me, so I did. It gave me a comfort and a joy and a sense of peace and the persistant nagging I was feeling left my mind.

I have been a Catholic for many years now and whilst I still will always remain a Catholic, I have this knowing that I need to develop my spiritual knowledge further. This knowledge for spiritual ideas will take me away from mainstream Catholicism and Anglicanism but I just know that it is ok. We all look to and love one God, something I have always believed in all forms of religion. Whether it is Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, we all look to and serve one God.

I now follow a pathway of Light Work. I am not 100 % sure what this entails, but I do know that I am a Holistic Healer and I feel an urgency to act upon this healing. I put myself forward to God and the Angels to knowingly send my way, the necessary information whether it be via people, places, books, teachers, feathers or crystals all that I need to know.

I have commenced my journey by studying Reiki I with my Reiki Master. It felt right and gave me the knowing that it is right. I will now continue to hone and practise my new found knowledge before undertaking the next step of publicly practising my Reiki knowledge.

An outing of this type of information has been an unusual task. My spirituality has been something that I have mainly kept to myself. I just thought everyone had the same ability as I do. I know that they do. They just never have had to use their natural ability. I am not sure what my healing opportunities will be...whether I am to guide someone, physically use my hands to heal someone, or to write about healing. So with my unending belief of the Law of Attraction, I am putting it out there that I am ready to begin in earnest my healing journey.

I will do my utmost to serve through God and heal the necessary things that come my way. And in this healing journey, I will continue to heal myself. I will continue to remove items, memories, things that create a blockage in my journey. I will continue to Bless others with the items that I remove so with the Law of Attraction working to its fullest potential, when I make room by removing extras from my life, I allow room for other better things to come to me.

Tri Hita Karana....The Balance of Life.